Dear Production Companies,

I find the current writer’s strike gravely disappointing. I’m not sure where those writers get the idea that they should be paid for their work when you clearly own their souls. It’s important for you to keep strong and not give into their greedy demands for compensation. Who needs ‘em? This is a great opportunity for you to wash the old tired writers out of their cushy jobs and consider a few scripts I have. I have this one that’s gold.

Script #1) Okay so, it starts off with a kid who has an imaginary dinosaur friend which he takes everywhere he goes. Yeah and the parents get all pissed off at him for talking to his imaginary dinosaur, so the dinosaur (Frederick) slaps the HELL out of the dad with his tail. Oh, and at the end of the movie it turns out that dinosaurs aren’t extinct, they’re EVERYWHERE, except they’re all invisible from the radiation from the asteroid that hit in Mexico. Trippy, huh?

No good? No problemo, I have another idea.

Script #2) Okay so this one is about this chick who gets in a bad accident and has amnesia. The day she gets out of the hospital she doesnt know where she lives so she just walks around and goes down a dark alley where she gets mugged and assaulted and raped by this dude, and then suddenly she remembers her identity - CHUCK NORRIS!

Too predictable? No worries, I have another one.

Script #3) This is more like a series. We do a whole series of movies with awesome titles and trailers and then totally shock the public with different movies than they expected. For instance, we advertise trailers for “Mission Impossible IV” using old clips of Tom Cruise from Top Gun and that girl from the Transformers movie - except when people get to the theaters, it’s actually the original version of The Wizard of Oz. Because, I mean that way we don’t need no stinking writers.

Posted By: Kevin November 10th, 2007
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